On what I'm looking for.

So back in May, as I started taking those first feeble steps towards feeling ready to enter the dating world again, a certain The Animal gave me a list of questions to answer about what I'm looking for. An honest evaluation of what I want, what I need.

She also demanded I finish it by the end of the summer, and we can see how well that went. (cough)

Anyway. It's been on my mind lately, so now seems as good a time as any to fill it out. To be honest, I'm kind of curious as to what my answers are going to be. This is likely to be incomplete, and probably going to shift and tweak as time goes on. But it's a good snapshot of where I am now.

How does she inspire you?
She does the things I wish I did. When she sets her eyes on something, she goes for it, and I can either stand by and watch or dive in and follow suit. She reminds me that I'm capable, I'm impulsive, and the blocks I throw up in my mind are just that - in my head. She has the courage and drive to live her life, and in so doing, inspires me to live mine.

What's she made of?
Fire. She burns bright and clear with nothing to hide. People are drawn to her light and warmth - her passion is infectious, spreading to everything she touches. There is a hunger in her, an insatiable curiosity in everything around her. She is wise enough to be strong, smart enough to be quick, and crazy enough to be dangerously capricious. She is ardent; and be it in anger or love, she burns hot - not because she can, but because she must.

What does she see in her future?
Adventure. I get bored easily, and so does she. While she values a place to hunker down and recharge, she's not content to remain there day after day, year after year. She'd rather study all aspects of a field of work than single-mindedly climb a corporate ladder. Money, to her, is a tool - valuable to gather and hold for the experiences it can afford rather than a number to be shored up at the cost of missing out.

What's her relationship with her family?
Strong. Family is the first chance you get to love people in spite of, and sometimes because of, their flaws. I consider myself very close to my family and I miss my parents every day; there's a depth of emotion and forgiveness that I'm comfortable with as a result, and I'd like to know that she can understand and appreciate that.

Does she want children? Do you want children?
She does. Perhaps not right away; she must acknowledge the amount of planning and sacrifice that goes into raising a child, and be prepared to make that choice. I may be close to that point, but I'm not there quite yet.

And when the time comes, I want it to be a mutual decision, with the knowledge and confidence in each other that we're both in it with everything we've got. My parents did everything they could for my brothers and I, and I want to offer my children the same level of devotion.

How does she challenge you?
She forces me to be true. Rare is the time when I don't dodge and weave, hiding this or that from this person or that person because this piece of information might hurt them, or that bit might change the way they think of me. She sees through my web of misdirects and decoys and calls me out when I'm trying to hide something. She makes it okay to be truthful and clear with her, and more importantly, with myself. No matter how uncomfortable that makes me feel.

How does she treat you?
Like a partner. I can trust her to have my back no matter what comes our way, and she feels the same. She takes the lead when I fall back, and she recognizes when I can handle something she can't. We have faith in each other because we've seen each other not at our best, but at our worst. She is kind to me when I am weak, forceful with me when I am hesitant, appreciative of me when I am good, and honest with me when I'm being a dick.

What does she live for?
First and foremost, herself. She knows that to water the garden, one must tend to the well. She knows herself, what she is capable of, what she wants out of life, and she does her best not to compromise any of that for anyone.

Beyond that, she lives for experience. She is hungry for adventure; she appreciates the value of laughter and fun and all the wonder the world has to offer, big and small. She lives for memories and stories, hers, ours, and others'. She lives for the simple joy food and drink can afford, the quiet moment in a cafe, the people walking by in a city street, the sunset over a mountain range or an ocean.

How do you want to be in a relationship?
Honest and free. I don't have to worry about what I can and can't tell her, what I can or can't do for fear of repercussions. Too much of my life has been caged in lies and secrets, and I want at least one place in my life I can be safe.

How does she manage her emotions?
She communicates. She's not afraid to tell me what's on her mind as it happens. And even if there isn't anything I can do about it at the moment, she lets me know how she's feeling and her best ideas as to why. She offers clarity of herself in boundaries and feelings. If she wants to talk about what's happening, she knows I'm ready of ear and mouth. And if she doesn't, she knows I'm here with a shoulder or a pair of arms.

Who does she want to be?
Anything and everything she can.