When I was in culinary school, fully fucking 90% of my class said they wanted to be cooks because they, and I fucking quote, "sucked at math". What the fuck?
What do you fuckheads think being a fucking cook is all about? You think it's some fucking fairytale where you throw shit in a pot from across the fucking room while Ride of the Fucking Valkyries is playing? It's fucking consistency, you ballsack-sucking shitcakes, and that means following fucking recipes to a fucking T.
You're bad at math? What the shit are you going to do when your chef tells you to 2.5 a fucking recipe, stand there with a fucking calculator? How the fuck do you calculate food cost if you're not fucking measuring anything, you asshole?
And don't get me started on you FoH dickshits. YOU NEED TO MAKE FUCKING CHANGE. YOU NEED TO COME UP WITH A SERIES OF COINS OF VARYING VALUES TO QUICKLY AND ACCURATELY AGGREGATE A TOTAL BETWEEN ONE AND NINETY NINE YOU RECTAL REJECTIONS WHAT THE SHIT BALL ASS FUCK
Seriously, you want to get into the service industry because you suck at math? Half the fucking job is math, shitbox, and the other half is fucking science. Go get a job at Hot Topic and GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY KITCHEN
Now THAT'S fucking real talk.
ReplyDeleteI kind of wish ride of the valkyries would play whenever i am doing something. i think it would give me the dramatic flair that i currently lack.
ReplyDeleteI've tried it. You have to be careful, lest the epicness becomes the norm. Plus, to do it right, you need to invest in a cape, and then your fan budget goes through the roof.
DeleteAnd this is why I have no delusions of doing more in the kitchen than successfully not starving. Food is math. *dials pizza*
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