Day 2. Tell the story about something interesting that happened to you, but tell it in the form of an instruction manual.
1. Hand positioning is a vital first step. To begin, crook your elbow so that your right hand is roughly at chest level. Your elbow should be close to your body, but not tight against it. It should hang comfortably a little off to the side. Bend your right hand forward in a loose, but substantial overhand grip, then extend it roughly one foot in front of you, knuckles pointing directly in your line of sight. Your left hand and arm can do whatever the fuck you want.
2. While keeping your head aligned with your hand, turn your body slightly to your left. Your right foot should be in line with your head and right hand, with your left foot perpendicular and dropped back to support your stance.
3. Using your right foot to propel your weight forward, hop off the ground just enough for your left foot to scoot up and your right foot to advance ahead to repeat the cantering motion. It helps to lift your right knee while doing so, to give it clearance to move.
4. Once you have the basic process down, it's important to build momentum. As you go faster and faster, lean forward a little to make sure your weight is caught almost entirely by your right foot with each step. If it helps, envision a companion beside you banging coconuts together to maintain a steady cadence.
5. Now that you have a good, galloping momentum going, and this is important, tilt your right foot just enough for all of your weight to land on the outside edge of your foot. If you do this correctly, your ankle will snap like a twig and you will collapse on the ground in podial agony.
6. Congratulations! You've broken your foot. What happens next is up to you; if you'd like to follow in my footsteps, you could scream bloody murder until your mother rushes in from the garage to take you to the emergency room.
(In case you're completely lost, this link demonstrates what I was doing when this happened.)
(In case you're completely lost, this link demonstrates what I was doing when this happened.)
NOPE to this entire episode of woe. But like you said, Monty Python sometimes demands a broken bone or two if only to let it be known that you are serious.
ReplyDeleteI will try to memorize these point by point so that I never have to suffer what had to be excruciating. Thanks for sharing.
ReplyDeleteShaking and laughing and choking. I am trying to picture the way you answered every doctor/nurse who asked you "HOW did you do this again?"
ReplyDeleteI think I only had to answer the question once. Word spread pretty quickly, from what I recall.
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