On adulthood.

I know, I know. I'm long past the ideal that any one event or decision makes you an adult. Being an adult isn't something you earn. It's something you do. It doesn't happen when you buy a water/fireproof safe for your important documents. It isn't marked by your wedding or your first kid.

I've spoken before about my time as a business owner. And I have no illusions, no romantic glances back. It sucked. A lot. That level of responsibility caused a considerable amount of psychological, physiological, and financial damage to me in a very short amount of time.

But the one thing that stuck with me was the knowledge that the buck stopped with me. If I didn't get something done, there was no one to blame, no one to piss up the ladder on. It fell to me to fulfill my responsibilities with no one above me to push me or guide me. If I didn't know how to do something, I had to find out myself.

And that's what being an adult is, I think. It's about responsibility. It's about knowing that if you want something done, you have to make sure it gets done yourself. It's about rolling up your sleeves and getting in there, succeeding or failing on your own abilities. And if you fail, it isn't about finding someone or something to blame. And on the off chance you do succeed, it isn't about waving it around so everyone can pat you on the back for it. Win or lose, you shut the fuck up, shake yourself off, and get started on the next thing you have to get done.

I can't even begin to claim that I'm an adult by this definition. The list of things I should be doing is longer than the line at Ben and Jerry's on Free Ice Cream Day. But at least I know what it feels like, what I should be striving for if I want to have any degree of self-respect.