Saturday, January 26, 2013

On dating, part 2.

So after my last post, I got a couple of responses, both on and offline, of other key points I missed along the way.  And since I may as well keep rolling in this continuum, here we go.

7.  Get used to them.  It's an unpleasant reality to face, but that dreamboat of yours farts, snores, and has morning breath.  Because they're human, and not some artificial construct designed to match your every desire and preference.  (Unless they actually are a construct, in which case, kudos.)  Part of settling in with someone is getting past the flashbang of the opening volley and getting used to all the shitty, annoying parts of who they are.  Maybe he doesn't shower on his days off, or maybe she takes an hour and a half to get ready.  If you can't deal with that, get off the damn train.  And if you can't deal with bodily functions in general, start hoarding cats and books, because it's gonna be a long life of solitude.

On the other side of the coin, try to be considerate of your partner.  If they have to find themselves attracted enough to you to plow you, maybe don't shit with the door open, huh?

8.  Someone's gotta order the pizza.  Everyone has their strengths and everyone has their weaknesses, and while it may seem like a godsend to find someone just like you, this is not a good idea.  You need someone to step up and pick up the slack when you're not equipped to do it, and you need to do the same for your partner.  My buddy said it best when he talked about me and my ex-wife: If you both hate making phone calls, no one's going to order the pizza.  And you'll both starve to death holed up on your couch watching Parks and Rec.  Because someone's gotta order the pizza.

9.  Back the fuck up.  When you're just coming off that happy glowy stage, you might want to cling to them every minute of every day so you can bask in their love.  This is a terrible, terrible idea.  It doesn't matter how awesome your relationship is, people need alone time.  This goes double for the introverted.  Problem is, there's no kind way to turn to the person you love and say "Go away."  So a) if they do say that, don't take offense.  And 2) go do something else every once in a while.  For fuck's sake, you used to do things before you were in a relationship; go do those things.  There is a very fine line between love and the desire to strangle someone.  Don't test that line.

10.  I might be full of shit.  This is, perhaps, the most important point I'm going to make so far.  I've been preaching from the rafters these last few posts.  Some of you know me quite well, some of you don't know that I'm kind of a jerk yet.  Regardless, if you take away anything I've said about friendship or relationships, let it be this:  The person saying all of this probably doesn't do half of the shit they're telling you to do.  That doesn't just go for me, that goes for every shiny new self-help advice column you read.  Take what we say with a grain of salt, because we're all human.  We all make mistakes.  We're all just doing the best we can.

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